What i love most about rivers is, you cant step in the same river twice
The water's always changing always moving
But people i guess cant live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose the chance of ever knowing
What's around the river bend
Waiting just around the river bend
I look once more, just around the river bend
Beyond the shore
Somewhere past the sea
Don't know what for
What i dream the day might send
Just around the river bend
Just around the river bend

In one week plus. I'd be in year 3. Much higher expectations and responsibilities. Night shifts, OT, A & E, PRCP...taking cases, report passing. I'd end PRCP by feb 2009, graduate by april 2009 and start work as a staff nurse at SGH in June/July 2009. If i survive and stay sane enough.

To know im not the only one fearful and feeling totally unready for year 3 and the working world next year relieves me that im not the only one struggling. Its too fast! But all their negativity can pull me down. im naturally a very negative person myself already!

I must not quit...though every part of 'me' wants to. Seriously, im afraid of going mad or dying if i stay on. But I must survive this, somehow. There's changes that need to be made...and i must not accept things the way that they are now. I must live to give it my best. I must at least have tried, to change what needs to be changed.

And i cant understand why so many simply choose to accept it, forget it and move on. Well yes, move on. But not choose to accept and forget it. I will not and must not. Isnt a nurse to be an advocate for her patients? Or is abiding to the rules and the business more important than that?

Of course not...rules are not cast in stone. Some christian nursing book from mings taught me that. Someday, God, bless me with the courage to change what i can. Because im weakly a timid, rule-abiding, need to stay safe and guai person. Okay a lot less timid now. But still not enough. XD Cus for once, sticking to the rules wouldn't even be right. So giving injections isnt the scariest. (i don't consider bathing and wrapping a dead person scary, its just very sad.) But now its trying to change a rule?!? Its almost challenging the system and the authorities. Goodness.

Most importantly ive decided i will not disobey you. I shall learn to trust you. No good thing will you withhold from me, and if you say nursing's what's good for me, then i shall believe you so.
Someday the valley of Baca will turn to springs. Pastor's words...."maybe you have no choice. then declare that the valley of Baca will turn to springs, and that God will use it to mould your character." I think i almost wanted to laugh at the "no choice" (im bonded) and "mould your character" part. But i was crying. XD yes i actually cry a lot, in church. XD

Someday the valley of Baca will turn to springs.
And yes im going to stay and see that day.

God, bless me to look with eyes of faith and bless me with a spirit of positivity. May i speak blessings unto my school and hospitals, teachers and classmates, and to all situations. In Jesus' name i pray, Amen (:

A ship's safe at harbour, but that's not what it's made for.
pain is temporary, but quitting is forever.

"One thing God has spoken;
two things have I heard;
that you, O Lord, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving..."
-Psm 62:11-12

Waiting just around the river bend. Year 3's starting. Praise the LORD! (:

Labels: To see the FAITH report

12:22 AM;*rainbows*