I'm tired. But according to my study schedule I don't get to blog until next Friday. And that's if I can complete revising all that I need to by then. Otherwise I won't get that precious 1 hour off. So, I'm gonna sacrifice some sleep tonight to blog. I wanted to use the computer to do this earlier but my brother is playing his online games leh. Anyway I'm superbly tired but my body refuses to listen to me. I was trying to sleep and I realised it'll be like two hours before I do fall sleep. argh. Luckily my brother decided to go and sleep. Giving me the golden opportunity to blog (: I mean you really can't study on a sleepy mind like this. And it's no use to try to sleep now. So I can blog right? yes. not guilty. This post is acceptable.
Evelyn accepted Christ today!!!(((: yays!! I'm so happy for her (: Have to pray hard for her. New christian and faces parental persecution. I think me and Lisa would be doing veg. fast again for wed thur fri to pray that she can at least come for cell on Sat.
Haha Liang ming reads my blog. And I just realised that yesterday. hahaha. Quite funny actually. Because I didn't know she knows about it. Liang ming! Thanks for teaching me maths! And for trying to teach me vectors, haha. Would you be free on Tuesday? I promise not to do vectors or probability.
I still feel tired. irritating. Oh. Today's worship was so so good. Both in service, junior cell and senior cell. (: And sermon was so good too lah. Too bad I was so tired I didn't pay full attention. I shall reflect on the sharing of senior cell. Does my life revolve around the kingdom of God? God, first, family, second, etc, yes....but for my life to revolve around the kingdom of God? revolve around leh. That means everthing else fades away in comparison to that. gosh. Sadly I don't think so. 1st step: PRAY.
Evelyn challenged me today, to stop 'passing' sharing time. stressed. I didn't even give her deadline lah. The problem with her challenges is that they are very challenging. And at the same time they are reasonable and not beyond you. stressful right? sigh. I must try harder next time. I was really super scared today lah. And i don't think it's the air-conditioning lor. That weird out-of-nowhere-and-for-no-apparent-reason intense fear again. Weird. It had better not haunt me next week.
It's raining heavily now. Oh. My sharing. yes. erm...it was so unorganised. I think I am so used to expressing myself in written form and not verbally until I'm super bad at communicating this kind of thing verbally. It's like I can't organise my thoughts if I don't get to write it out first. I end up not knowing what to say. Talk half-way then don't know how to link anymore. very bad right? No wonder Evelyn is forcing me to share.
Anyways. I am struggling with some issues. And it was very bad this week. I fell once and I felt like what pastor said: 'Game over'. I felt very afraid that I might just be stuggling with this forever and that God would just keep forgiving me and this viscious cycle would never end. Like I'm so not worthy. But God still keeps forgiving me and loving me. And I can't even obey him. I felt like it was really game over. That I'll never break through this. Especially since others who had this issue had already overcome it and I'm like, still in square one. Like what am I doing lah. Others have already overcome this and you are like stuck here. And I really wanted to just give up. I suppose I wanted to go out because I needed hope that it wasn't 'Game Over'.
But my feet were like stuck to the ground lah. But thank God for Jocelyn! She went out with me and then she prayed for me. And she really hit the nail on the head. I don't know if she reads my blog lah. Jocelyn, if you do read this you have been a real blessing to me and I really thank God for a sister like you. God is really using you (: Thanks for accepting and loving me for who I am despite all my flaws.
I will continue to press on. I must. Someday, I will overcome this...Jocelyn has said that God will take this away from me...I will trust in that. I must.
I have 2 weeks left to 'O's. This is crazy. For the first time I wouldn't mind migrating. Just get me away from 'O's. And two-three weeks of the actual exam. 5 weeks to liberation, as Butt calls it. Oh and my dear buddy lent me her jacket today (: How kind. I was freezing lah. I've never felt this cold in builders before. Crammed study schedule. Please let me be disciplined. Please don't let me fall sick. Please let me pass maths. C6 also can. Just let me pass at least. So I don't have to retain. Please...
Ru jia is not going for encounter. sigh. When will she get to go? I shall do 3 days fast before she asks her parents when the next encounter that she can go for comes. Lisa is coming back to God. Delia is feeling better. Suzanne has opened up to Delia, Liang ming and Claire. Prayers work (: yes yes yes! hehe. I will continue to pray for Peicaians. And thanks to all who have been praying for them too (:
On Monday I am going to be an aunty of nine kids. hahaha. I feel sooo old. I have eight nephews-6 from two cousins on my father's side and two from two cousins each from my mother's side. This baby is going to be born on this coming Monday, and the baby is 90% going to be a niece! hahaha. *happy* I love my nephews a lot. But if you are a girl and you already have eight nephews obviously you want a niece right? (: I may go to the hospital to see my niece/nephew on Mon evening (:
I'm really happy because this cousin of mine had a miscarriage before this child. So I'm glad that God answered my prayers and protected mother and child. I really hope that someday they will be saved...including my other nephews. It's going to be difficult because the six nephews from my father's side are in muslim families. Because my father's peranakan and his second sister married a malay. So three of my cousins and the first two of whom are married are all muslims. On my father's side are catholic and muslim relatives. On my mother's side are buddhist and taoist relatives. My family is the only christian family. God, please bless my relatives and my family. I believe my family won't be the only christian family in my extended family.
Here I am waiting Abide in me I pray Here I am longing for you
Hide in my love Bring me to me my knees May i know jesus more and more
Come live in me all my life take over Come breathe in me and I will rise On eagles's wings
You're all i want You're all I ever needed You're all I want Help me know you are near
" For all things work for good for those who love the Lord, who have been called according to His purpose" -Rom 8:28
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."-proverbs 3:5-6
